Inner Yearnings for the Goodness of Hashem

by Rav Avraham Yitchak Kook

When I am not engaged in Torah, it is not out of carelessness but out of inner yearnings for the goodness of Hashem in the secrets of the Torah, for a supernal connection. “My soul has desired in the shadow of Your hand to know every mystery of your secret.”

Many indeed are the obstacles that keep me from actualizing the depth of holiness in my soul, but I will not allow that to make me step off my path. It shall be called the path of holiness, and the supernal Torah is the source of my delights, and that will bring me the blessing of the Torah, and depth of piety, and the humility of the just, the light of strength and elevation.

And my heart will be opened to succeed in the truth of the light of Hashem, and pray on behalf of every individual who groans and is oppressed, for every individual who needs compassion, for the entire world, for the generation, for the rejected souls, for every sorrow and lack, and my eyes will be illumined to feel the suffering of the world, the suffering of God’s Presence, with a good consciousness, with an understanding of Hashem.

And I will rejoice in Hashem, I will be happy in the God of Israel, the God of my salvation, the God who girds me with might and makes my feet like [those of a] deer, to “conquer with my songs.”

And as to the fact that my thoughts are oppressed, that the desires and longings come to me out of sequence, higher than my level, there is no reason to fear that, for that is the complexion of the generation, and of myself in particular—for I must unite everything: all feelings, all knowledge, fields of study, images, speeches, facts, poems and rhetoric, stories and halachot, aggadot and parables. And my mind must turn to the nation and to each individual, and gaze upon supernal sights, and know the lowest depths in order to raise pearls from there, sapphire and emeralds.

Despite all my poverty and impoverishment, I must know that the stance of my soul is a wonder, and all the various factors in my state of being.

And for all of them I will thank Hashem and rejoice in the gift of my portion, and I will strengthen and invigorate myself to serve Him, for the sake of His name with love, with a great mindfulness, and with a tendency for ultimate truth, for the sake of a love of the holy, the elevated, the good and the straight, to bring from the potential into actuality precious qualities, to turn the masses away from sin, to increase the light of supernal lovingkindness on His nation and upon all of His creations.

Chadarav, p. 116