I Must Know My Measure

by Rav Avraham Yitzchak Kook

Being by nature a person of aggadah and of mysticism, I have no need to [look with] envy [upon] the portions of halachah and the revealed Torah.

Nevertheless, I am also summoned and obligated [learn] those areas [of the Torah], for it is not without cause that Hashem graced me with ability [to study] them as well.

But I must know my measure, so that I will grow depressed regarding the slightness of my portion in revealed matters (even though in aggadah and in the hidden I am [also] very poor and impoverished).

I must remain firm, because the cause of this imperfection of mine is that a multiplicity of areas constantly draws me in every direction, so it is my nature to taste a little of each matter. So if I am weak in the revealed Torah and halachot, that is caused by my inner attraction to aggadah and the hidden.

This phenomenon of my capacity is particularly apparent at a time of settled [but] unrehearsed speech with people who are qualified for [such discussion], as well as at every moment that [my] spirit is awakened. Then I find within myself a hidden treasure, which must be my consolation even in a time of concealment and great darkness.

“When I sit in darkness, Hashem is my light.”

Chadarav, pp. 103-104