I Cannot Deny My Inner Desire

by Rav Avraham Yizchak Kook

I cannot deny my inner desire, the essential desire of [my] soul, which is constantly revealed from the depths of my heart, which is a faithful desire, filled with trembling.

And this trembling is filled with the might of holiness, because I tremble for the word of Hashem.

The fear of heaven is my speech and my inner essential musing; all of my wellsprings are [immersed] in it.

Society, environment and a life of deeds lie on my path like stumbling stones that do not allow my holy yearning, filled with the holy light of the fear of Hashem, encompassed with an inner love, to emerge into continuous revelation, so as to be strengthened in all [of its] traits.

And behold I, whenever I come into contact with people, I come into confusion, and the concealment of the content of the fear [of God] grows very strong, to the point that I find myself abased and abandoned.

But my hope is in Hashem.

Chadarav, pp. 145-146